Blind days pass over and you are hidden from me, my friend.
I hold within me the pictures, the heat between us, the way the sun rose over
your cheekbones...and this is where my pain is borne. As a goldfish, I would
be free--never remembering and therefore never longing. But my attention to
detail and crystalline memory has your hand sliding down my back and over
the curves of the earth's rhythmic passing again and yet again.
You are boundless. You transform effortlessly into a different
creature every day. With a new voice, new body, you appear to me as someone
entirely unrelated to the one I was last with. But I have just now discovered
that your blood runs through all the disguises and my desire flows like a
riptide. I am burning like Joan of Arc and I cannot go back, only onward into
the stream of universal light--the pain of remembrance is only longing for
the way things were yesterday and yesterday...today I am alone with the togetherness
that weaves alone into All One.
Tomorrow's yesterday is now. I look beside me and I find you
there again, shapeshifted into another friend. Your embrace, twining legs
and warming toes, rose quartz heartblankets, mugwort dreamtime paints the
internal playground between us. Before I have even a moment to capture, this
page has dissolved into the next and my hands are empty again. It is here
that the pen appears, taking the place of your slenderness. The eloquence
of your subtle strength paints words in my book and I make love to you here.
Who are you? A Neptunian prince sent to elude me so that I might wander the earth forever in dreamquest? I will never have you, only these pages which seem to appear from behind passing clouds. Sometimes I catch you watching me through the eyes of those who really hear me and I am sure that you will follow me as I rise. Please, be gentle on my heart. And please be kind to my brothers and sisters as they enter the gateway to your palace. We are learning the dance of the lonely warrior, letting go of our grip on one another and holding strong to the limitlessness of transformation. Now, as I enter myself to reconnect with the dancer inside, I thank you, spirit lover,
for leading me on.
